Starting therapy takes courage. You’ve made the decision to work on yourself, to face difficult emotions, and to create positive change in your life. But sometimes, despite your best intentions, you might find yourself feeling stuck or frustrated with your progress. This doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working – it often means there are certain behaviours that are unknowingly interfering with the therapeutic process.
Understanding these patterns can help you move forward more effectively. Let’s explore some common behaviours that can interfere with therapy and how to recognize them in yourself.
The Patterns That Keep Us Stuck
1. Arriving Late or Missing Sessions
What it looks like: Consistently running late, cancelling at the last minute, or finding reasons to skip sessions, especially when difficult topics are approaching.
Why it happens: This is often a protective mechanism. If you’re avoiding something painful in your past or dreading a difficult conversation, your mind might create practical barriers to keep you from facing it.
What you can recognize: Notice if you suddenly get “too busy” or experience car trouble mainly when certain topics are on the agenda.
2. Keeping Things on the Surface
What it looks like: Filling sessions with small talk, daily updates, or safe topics while avoiding deeper emotional work.
Why it happens: Going deeper can feel scary. Sometimes it’s more comfortable to stay in familiar territory than to venture into uncharted emotional waters.
What you can recognize: After sessions, you might feel like you talked a lot but didn’t really address what’s truly bothering you.
3. Intellectualising Emotions
What it looks like: Analysing your problems like a research project, using clinical terms, or discussing feelings from a detached, academic perspective.
Why it happens: Our minds often try to protect us from emotional pain by keeping us in our “thinking” brain rather than our “feeling” brain.
What you can recognize: You leave therapy understanding yourself better intellectually but not feeling different emotionally.
4. Testing the Therapist
What it looks like: Pushing boundaries, breaking agreements, or creating situations that require the therapist to set limits.
Why it happens: This often stems from past experiences with relationships. You might be unconsciously trying to see if your therapist will reject you like others have.
What you can recognize: You might find yourself feeling oddly satisfied when your therapist sets a boundary, or relieved when they don’t abandon you despite your behaviour.
5. The “Yes, But” Pattern
What it looks like: Agreeing with insights or suggestions but immediately offering reasons why they won’t work for you.
Why it happens: Change can feel threatening. This pattern helps maintain the status quo, even when part of you wants things to be different.
What you can recognize: You leave sessions with good advice but find yourself thinking about all the reasons it won’t apply to your situation.
Moving Forward
Recognizing these patterns is actually a sign of progress. It means you’re developing the awareness needed to work through them. Here’s how to move forward:
- Share Your Observations: Talk to your therapist about what you’ve noticed. They’re trained to help you understand and work through these patterns.
- Practice Compassion: These behaviours developed for a reason – usually to protect you. Don’t judge yourself harshly; instead, be curious about what these patterns are trying to protect you from.
- Start Small: Choose one pattern to work on first. Maybe it’s committing to sharing one true feeling each session, or arriving five minutes early instead of five minutes late.
- Remember Why You Started: Reconnect with your original reasons for seeking therapy. What do you hope to achieve? What life do you want to build?
A Note of Hope
Therapy is a process, not a destination. The fact that you’re reading this article suggests you’re already engaged in meaningful self-reflection. These interfering behaviours aren’t character flaws – they’re often the same protective mechanisms that helped you survive difficult times in the past.
Working through these patterns typically requires patience and persistence, but it’s absolutely possible. Many people who felt stuck in therapy have broken through these barriers and found the healing and growth they were seeking.
If you’re feeling stuck in therapy, don’t give up. Instead, consider this an invitation to explore what might be holding you back. Your willingness to look at these patterns is itself a step toward the change you’re seeking.
Remember: Therapy works best when you can be honest about what’s happening in the room – including your struggles with the process itself. Your therapist is there to support you through all of it, including these challenging dynamics.
Finding Support in Kingston, Ontario
At Centre Wellness in Kingston, our experienced psychotherapists and psychologists understand these common barriers to progress. Our team specializes in helping clients identify and work through therapy-interfering behaviours in a compassionate, supportive environment.
Located in the heart of Kingston, our centre offers evidence-based therapeutic approaches tailored to your unique needs and circumstances. Whether you’re considering therapy for the first time or feeling stuck in your current therapeutic journey, our psychotherapists and psychologists can help you move forward.
To learn more about our services or to schedule a consultation with one of our Kingston psychotherapists or psychologists, contact Centre Wellness today. We’re committed to helping you overcome obstacles and achieve lasting positive change.
Are you experiencing any of these patterns in your current therapy? Consider discussing this article with your therapist as a starting point for deeper exploration. Centre Wellness in Kingston is here to support you on your journey toward healing and growth.
At Centre Wellness, we sometimes use AI tools to assist in content creation. All content is directed, reviewed, and edited by our professional team to ensure accuracy and relevance to your needs.
